Erica Bates, Hybridflowers Artwork

Death's Apprentice, concept art 1

2011-12-14T13:25:00.003-07:00

This is an early concept piece from a story that's been bouncing around in the back of my head for a while called Death's Apprentice. This features the main character, who I still haven't named yet. I'm having fun drawing more gory things than normal for me!

Element Benders

2011-12-14T13:16:00.002-07:00

These are Christmas gifts for some of my friends, featuring them as a Water, Earth, or Firebender from Avatar, the Last Airbender. They seemed happy with them!

Note - I blatantly stole the backgrounds from screenshots in the series. I wanted the pictures to have the correct feel, but I am terrible at scenery. Credit for them remains with the wonderful artists at Nickelodeon. Since I am not doing these for profit, I feel no shame in using them. Obviously if I were to make one of these to print or sell, I'd have to paint my own background.

My Cowardly Reply

2011-12-14T13:06:00.005-07:00

So, I revealed something to my ex-boyfriend that make him reconsider his decision to dump me, but I made it clear we were not getting back together. He posted this response as a journal:

Cold feet,...More likely a shallow man.

I can't help but think poorly of myself of late. I scared the perfect girl away, she was everything I wanted and more. She was/is cute, funny, and peaceful to be around, she the easy going kind of gal. It didn't take much to make her happy. But in the end I let something of little importance stand in my way. It was nothing really. It was in my head and I have been struggling with it for many years. So I started to subconscious and ruin our relationship. My stupid puny mind and my imperfections got in the way. I will away regret not being a real man, rather than shallow man, but most of all I will always miss the girl with soft skin and luscious lips. The girl I never kissed.

I am not brave enough to actually send him my response. Perhaps I don't want to hurt him, even though I really feel like it. So I am posting my reply here, where nobody will ever see it but me:

Yes, you scared me. But you didn't scare me away. You told me you were unwilling to continue our relationship because you were afraid to commit to someone so ugly, despite the fact that your patriarchal blessing led you to me, and that you were the one who initiated the relationship knowing full well what I looked like. There's a big difference.

But don't worry about it. I'm sure that there's someone else out there for you who, like me, is intelligent, very hard working, good with kids, makes you laugh, and is willing to deal with all of your issues, but is at the same time skinny as a rail, drop-dead gorgeous, emotionally secure, and (miraculously) still single. Happy hunting.

Oh- but if you ever do happen to find Miss Perfect, be warned - she will accept nothing less than perfection herself.

Winter Portrait

2011-10-06T15:17:00.002-06:00

Though I would never admit it publicly, I am incredibly vain, evidenced by the fact that I love drawing myself.

This portrait came into being because I wanted to try something new with layer styles. Actually, just something simple. I created the portrait on a separate layer from the texture and, instead of using a layer style to merge them, I used the cell shading as a selection tool and simply adjusted the hue and lightness of the textured background. Mostly, I wanted to see if it would work.
Not sure I'll use this technique again, but I enjoyed myself.

Cass Fancy Pinup

2011-10-06T15:14:00.002-06:00

Cass, short for Casablanca (the white lily - not the city,) is my main character from Hybrid Flowers. She likes high places and skyboarding, and eventually gets wings of her own, inherited from her mutant father.

Case - Heal Him?

2011-10-06T15:02:00.002-06:00

This is a strange scene from Hybrid Flowers. Tyler has just saved Cass's life, but been injured himself. Cass uses her own shirt to attempt to stop the bleeding. Since Ron has already stepped up, his transmitter is useless, so Cass does the only thing she can - ask Case for help. This is the scene that meets him as he rushes to the rescue. At first he refuses to help, saying he'll go get Ron because he's a better healer, but Cass assures him Tyler would die without immediate attention. Case is faced with the choice of healing his rival or allowing him to die. As Case heals Tiger, he praises Cass for her quick thinking to use her shirt, even if they are both embarrassed by it.
Luckily Tyler lives, but this scene is important because this is when Case finds out Tyler has an implant - even before the audience does! Case assumes Tyler is another escaped hybrid and treats him like his brothers after that. He eventually confronts Tyler about the situation, saying it's not right to keep such a big secret from Cass. Tyler hints he knows that Case is also keeping major secrets, so they both begrudgingly agree to keep silent.

Portrait for a friend

2011-09-06T18:48:00.001-06:00

My sister and I are starting up a Photography and Design business. One of the features that will be offered is digitally painting existing pictures, like this one. One of my friends from High School generously agreed to let me paint her and post it as an example on our website: SimplyErica.weebly.com (It's still under construction, but it should look better in a few days. )

Beauty Turnarounds

2011-08-30T22:03:00.000-06:00

Turnarounds for my story, The Curse of Beauty.

One Year Later

2011-08-22T00:45:00.002-06:00

All in all, my life is pretty good, so I shouldn't really complain.

Sometimes I feel like doing so anyway – publicly, where anyone who cares a hoot could look at it, even though I don't care if they do or not. In fact, I secretly wish they do not.

Picasso said that when you walk through a green field, a green forest, and a greenhouse, you get filled up with green and have to paint green – just to get it out of you.

Well, I've been keeping too many things in. It is therapeutic for me just to write and post my sorrows. I'm sorry if that sounds childish or stupid – I just really need to let it out sometimes. I'll probably delete it later, but this is my 'green' canvas.

One year ago, my life fell apart.

One year ago, my grandfather's health was ailing, and my father insisted he would take care of them instead of getting them professional help. Since my dad couldn't even keep a beta alive, I was unofficially conscripted to be the babysitter. Dad still did most of the physical stuff, like picking grandpa up off the floor, but that was mainly because Grandpa would freak if I ever saw him in his garments and try to crawl away through his own filth, usually hurting himself more in the process.

It wouldn't have been so bad if my grandmother didn't have dementia. I truly believe she was trying to murder him. She couldn't remember he was so frail and could barely speak, so she would get angry with him and hit him with a book or push him down the stairs. Then she would kick him until she forgot what she was doing and wandered off. More than once, we found him lying on the floor, bleeding, and Grandma would get all huffy and yell, “He's faking it! He's as strong as an ox!” Then she would show us a birthmark she's had forever and try to convince us he had bruised her.

Dad told me I didn't need to be with them all the time, but whenever I was able to, I would be their company and endure the endless repeated questions, because Grandma would never do anything irrational in front of me, (as long as she couldn't remember I already knew.) Perhaps that alone was enough to save him from her violence.

I was almost grateful when the police were called in. We never did figure out who did it, though I wouldn't be terribly surprised if it were my mom. My father's health had been waning ever since he took on the task, and they really needed more help than any of us could give them. I think my father thought I had called them so that I could escape the responsibility of 'honoring and caring for my ancestors,' so he made my life miserable after that.

My mom is an angel. To this day, I have no idea how she was able to both provide for and nurture her children while having to deal with my irrational, incompetent, and mildly abusive father. I was never able to understand how he can trick people outside our family into thinking he's a great man and a good father. It is my mother who put food on our table, repaired our house, read us stories, worked more than full time, and fulfilled her church calling, while Dad complained that any job he could get was beneath his stature and made his children believe they were the reason he was not famous and rich. This is why it is always so painful to me to see her struggling, and yet have no way of assisting her.

One year ago, the president of the school my mother works at (specifically so her children were all able to get a lower tuition rate – that was the contribution she was able to make to our education) announced they would be changing the program they used for financial aid. With the surge of students applying for it at that time of year, the learning curve would have been bad enough, but the program was ill-suited for the need and, in fact, did not work at all for several months. Mom was the only employee who worked intimately within that program, and fell terribly behind because of its short-comings. She had just been passed up for a promotion she was promised, and the man who took the position had never worked in that field before, so he couldn't help her. But he did make her answer for the bottleneck she was causing. She was yelled at constantly by her bosses, coworkers, and frustrated, angry parents who were scared their students wouldn't get federal aid.

The pressure mounted enough that she became suicidal. I did what I could to help her – all the house and yardwork, cooking – anything I could think of to ease some of the burden piling up on her, but nothing helped. She was still being treated like dirt at her work and by my father. I was afraid to leave her alone, (mostly to chaperone my grandparents,) praying each time I did that she would still be there when I got back. I even committed the ultimate social faux pas: I drug her along on one of my dates. (Yes, I knew it was unacceptable, but I was not leaving her alone, and she needed to escape my father and his parents for a while.)

I love my mother, and I would do anything for her. Including laughing when I feel like crying, and lying to her by telling her “Everything's going to be alright.” I did my best for her, but my best wasn't good enough, and I still feared for her safety.

One year ago, my sister's premature baby was having seizures. We never knew from day to day if he was going to survive. Her husband was frantically trying to earn his Master's while living on a pitiful little stipend, 17 hours from the rest of our family. They had no money for anything but my nephew's doctor bills, and Sis had to monitor him constantly (day and night) to make sure they could call the nurse if his seizure lasted too long. We were praying and fasting and scraping up money to send, but nothing we did could really solve the problem.

My kind mother took off a week during her frantic work schedule to go comfort her daughter, and to see the baby once, just in case he were to pass away. While there, she developed a very painful and debilitating disease. No one was able to take care of her there, and I was a thousand miles away, completely useless to my mother or sister. Luckily the disease was treatable, but it will follow her around the rest of her life and took precious time she couldn't spare from either her work or her daughter in need.

I always had to get perfect grades and excellent scholarships, as well as finish in four years, or I wouldn't get the opportunity complete my higher learning. To this day, I am the only Art Major I know who graduated in only four years with as high a GPA as I had. (Though I do wish I had had more time to learn what they were teaching me, instead of having to shoot just for the grade.) Despite working my tail off for the last two semesters of my final year, it was the happiest I had ever been. Yes, my life was hectic, and parts of it kinda sucked.....but I felt like I had some intrinsic value to someone who didn't have to love me, or even like me. Even now, I'm embarrassed by how much that one simple fact affected me.

For the first time in my life, I had actually fallen in love. I had dated before and even come close to marrying one man, but I had never before understood I could love a man – especially after my terrible courtship experiences. The only things I had ever known from men were abuse, tyranny, and neglect. It's what I had come to expect from the entire gender. I had decided to give them up and pursue my career instead. (Not 'for now.' Instead.)

But I had secretly fantasized about one man asking me out for years, though I knew it would never happen. He surprised – astounded – flabbergasted me: he asked me out.

I was a little cautious because I didn't want the novelty of a man pursuing me to influence my judgment about the relationship. It was the first time a man had shown genuine interest in me. In fact – he gave me a lot of 'firsts:' First time a man asked me out without coercion. First time a man held my hand. First time I had a zing up my spine whenever I thought about him. First hug. First time someone had shown interest in my general well-being without expecting something in return. Heck – first time a man had ever asked me questions about myself! But that wasn't what made me love him.

I won't bore you with all the silly details, but I will tell you that as I grew to love him, I prayed and fasted and, (to my amazement,) kept getting the 'go ahead.' Even as my life started falling apart in other areas, this one aspect felt right. I graduated with my BFA, searched and failed to find a job, attempted to hold my family together, and cried at night – but my relationship felt right. He felt right.

Well, one year ago, this perfect man decided to let our relationship end.

For many reasons, I don't trust men easily, and I freaked him out a couple of times trying to explain why. I'm sure this was a major contributing factor to his decision. But he never did give me a satisfactory explanation. I was hurt and angry and confused and hopeless. More than anything, I felt he had ignored the subtle promptings from the Lord that I had felt. But I was polite. We parted amiably and I returned to the broken half of my life.

I thought I had done as well as any woman could, regardless of their situation. I hadn't pushed him, but tried to keep pace. I didn't demand too much time and suggested inexpensive dates. I had tried to learn everything about him that I could, and the more I learned, the more I loved him. I kept a clear head and assessed the relationship from a separate viewpoint and tried to ignore 'twitterpation.' But he caught me off guard, because the day I had admitted to myself that I really did love him was the day he told me to leave.

I know there is no way he could have planned the timing, but there is no way he could have chosen a worse time if his goal was to hurt me.

It's strange to look back on this all now. Funny, even. Because as bleak as I thought my life looked then, it paled in comparison to what happened two days later:

One year ago, we discovered that my brother had left the church, and kept the fact hidden from us for 14 months.

This might not seem like a big deal to many people, but to us, it was the straw that broke our family's back...and a 20-ton-straw at that. My mother, who blames herself for every little flaw in any one of her child's lives, collapsed into tears at least twice a day for the first month. My father's anger flared and he took it out on both her and me, then ostracized my brother by sending him reams of doctrine, (the Hell-Fire-and-Damnation approach.) My sister was terribly offended that he hadn't confided in her and we were all disappointed with him.

I was especially shaken because, lacking a half-decent male role model in my father, I had always looked to my brother for the example of the man I should marry. Rob was kind, hardworking, competent, a loving husband, and a kind father. But now he had cast off the promises he made to his beautiful wife as if they meant nothing, and forced all who knew to keep it quiet so he could 'prove' to us that our religion was superstition. (If we didn't know, then obviously it wasn't revealed to us. I think he failed to consider our current situations.)

If the man that I felt was the epitome of men (certainly not perfect, but the best there was to be found) could just do that to his wife and children without any thought or regrets......then what are the kind of men I attract capable of?

I was hurting. But my dad was hurting. My sister was hurting. My sister-in-law was hurting. My mom was really hurting.....I had nowhere to turn. (Why must every trial converge on one time?) My poor best-friend got the brunt of it, but I tried to limit taking advantage of her kind heart like that. It was the first time that I couldn't just handle my own trials with only minor explosions from time to time. For the first time, what I really needed was a loving shoulder to cry on. And, for the first time, I had had one......who just left me two days previously.

So I did the only thing I could do: I became the pillar of strength for everyone else. I rocked and mopped up my mother as best I could when she broke. I listened to my sister for hours, comforting and encouraging as much as I could. I calmed my father's rage whenever possible and separated him from anything he could harm. I did my best to assure my sister-in-law that we supported her and wanted to help in any way we could.

I had no time to mourn my own losses. I buried my pain and made room for the sorrows of others. I swallowed my pride and ignored my anger.....and we all got through it.

There were times I didn't believe we would. There were wounds that were re-opened many times. Many of the trials did not disappear, but we were blessed to be able to endure them. Each day we kept breathing was a triumph, and each nightmare was overcome as the daylight rose.

And I survived.

It is one year later, and my grandfather has passed away – a blessing more than a hardship. And my grandmother is receiving adequate care as well as more attention from her family. My father is in mourning, but much less full of anger. My mother's work is once again frustrating, but her employers at least have come to more fully appreciate her. My sister's child is healthy, her husband has earned his degree. Although they still haven't found work, they have the possibility now. My brother has not returned to the faith, but we no longer have the conflict with him we once had, and his wife is hopeful he will come back one day.

It is one year later, and I still have not managed to find work, but certainly I keep busy. I have grown a beautiful garden, and cleaned out my grandma's old house for my sister's family. I have increased my portfolio and become more immersed in my field. I am no longer disappointed to awake from my dreams.

It is one year later, and I survived.

I survived.

Eagle flying with Lily

2011-07-12T10:13:00.000-06:00

Another pic featuring my OCs from Hybridflowers!

These two are Eagle and Lily, Casablanca's parents. This was back in their teenage years, before humans had resurfaced,
and Eagle claimed the best way to strengthen his wings would be to fly with just a little more weight.
Really, he just wanted to hold her. Lily didn't mind.

Since my story starts long after these two are dead, I try to make their paintings look like aged photographs. I'm still not great at that, but the 'Lost and Taken' textures really help.

Priorities

2011-06-23T21:52:00.002-06:00

"I never expected to be anyone's first priority,
or second, or third...

But it would be nice if
just once
I could actually get on someone's
'Priorities' list at all."

Please forgive the moody drivel:
I might be old-fashioned, but I think if you want to make someone feel like they're special to you, then you need to treat them like they're special. Particularly if you've shown them that you were willing to give them up before.

I don't think I ask for too much. I am not 'high maintenance.' Heck, I barely ask for time. Am I so worthless to you that I don't even register on your monthly schedule?

Sometimes when a woman pushes someone away, she really means 'try harder.' If they don't, then she knows they wouldn't have lasted through the hard stuff anyway.
The question is, are you willing to? But think first before you answer - Do you actually want to?

I do not need to be rescued. I do not need to be pampered. And I certainly do not need more pain. I don't even need you.
But I would like you to be there if I did, and vice versa. I could give so much, and I want to. But I do need you to be open with me. And right now, I do need you to show me you're not just planning to leave again.

If that's not something you're willing to do, then thank you, good luck, and please don't contact me again. Because I can't continue playing this game with you. I would be stupid if I tried, and I will no longer be stupid.
If you are willing, prove it.

Last Fiddle

2011-06-18T20:28:00.002-06:00

I gotta admit - I'm getting a little tired of playing the last fiddle. I could handle second, or even third...but last?

If a man dumps you, then realizes his mistake and asks to come back, is it wrong to make him prove he's really genuine? I believe that if a man doesn't actively pursue you, then he doesn't really want you. And if that man has already left you once, well, he better prove to you he's not just going to do it again.

Perhaps it's because I don't think men are capable of loving as deeply as women. In my experience, men love what is profitable to them. They love what women can give them. Women just love. If the subject of her love betrays her, wounds her, causes her the deepest sorrow any woman has known, she still loves them. Even if she curses their name, lashes out in anger, or hates them, she still loves them. Women love. We cannot help it.

I am not high-maintenance - I'm really not. I don't ask for much. But I do need something: desire. I need to see just a spark of desire before I will place myself in the position to be hurt again.

But no. Even that is too much to ask. Well, if I'm always the last priority, then perhaps I need to reorganize my own.

A Woman Scorned

2011-06-16T12:49:00.002-06:00

I wish Harley would finally figure out that her man is just trying to hurt her! I wish she would stop putting up with his abuse, kick that sucker where it counts, then kick him to the curb!! He doesn't understand her devotion and love, and he never will, so she should just move on and find someone who will!!!

...Who am I kidding? I can't even do that, and I'm real. T_T

My Nephew's Style!

2011-06-03T10:36:00.002-06:00

Another gift for a sibling's birthday!! (Yes, I am that cheap! But, hey - they like my artwork!) This one features my first nephew! His face is so expressive, it's hard to capture his likeness.
He's Sooo cute!!!

Hmm...I wonder what my brother could be getting for his birthday next month?

I just know that if I don't do these little kid pictures now, they won't get done. And if they don't get done, I know I'll regret it later. I hope my siblings don't think I'm just trying to get out of giving them a real gift. It takes a lot of time to do these! And it's harder than it looks to capture the likeness of someone you know well - especially a child.

The Bird and the Fish

2011-06-03T10:05:00.001-06:00

They had loved each other from childhood, when he literally fell out of the sky and into her life. . . or at least, her pond. But he was a commoner- a simple sky soldier with little power and an unimpressive heritage. Perhaps it could have been arranged had the humans not emerged that year from their underground exile. But she was a princess, and a marriage contract between their two races seemed the only way to restore the shattered peace.

She wasn't positive he loved her anyway.

And Lily's life was not an unhappy one. She spent five luxurious years with her new human husband, learning his strange customs and deflating the tension her race felt toward the invaders. She should have realized her fairy-tale life was just a facade for her husband's real plans.

She could not stay with him and be his weapon to destroy her people. . . But neither could she take her half-human son into the world of mutants. With one final kiss and a blessing, she left her little boy in the hands of his treacherous father, and returned to her kingdom. Returned to her Eagle.

Lily knew there was no way he could ever love her now - a shamed diplomat in a war-torn world. But he cared only for her happiness. They married, this time by their own customs, and vowed to bring peace to their divided world.

At least, they tried.

However the turmoil rocked their culture, however peace and rest evaded them, and however brief their union, the Bird and the Fish found comfort in one another. Their love was real.

Present for my Best Friend

2011-05-16T14:43:00.001-06:00

This is a present for my Best Friend. It features the characters from her new book.
The first one has already been published! ^_^
You can purchase it here: [link]

My Niece's Style!

2011-05-07T21:50:00.001-06:00

I love my adorable little niece! I just had to make this from a great photo of her. ^_^

Shakespool

2011-04-30T22:09:00.004-06:00

I love Deadpool.
I seem to have a thing for funny, psychotic killing-machines with red as a major theme in their outfits. This probably says something terrible about me, psychologically. Anyway, I think Deadpool has become my all-time-favorite comic superdude. (This excludes manga and videogames, but still - that's pretty high on my list! He even outranked the Flash.)
I'm sure that, time permitting, I'll be making several more fanarts of him in the future.

"Today's word is 'Chaos.' Let's go out and spread the word!!!" XD

Just a Moment of Peace

2011-04-16T21:31:00.003-06:00

This is a scene from Hybrid Flowers that takes place right before this one: Broken

Cass Colored Sketch

2011-03-05T21:06:00.002-07:00

This is just practice. I'm trying to make my style a little looser. I still love smooth, calligraphic linework, but maybe I can make it a little more flowy. And my coloration is too graphic, so I tried to loosen up a bit. It's just a quick sketch, but it's a start.

No Cuddles

2011-03-01T14:20:00.003-07:00

Considering my only lasting relationships have been with felines, you'd think I would know exactly how to make friends with a cat. For the most part it's true - I have tamed many a wild cat, and in the shadier areas of my hometown, I am known as *dramatic pause* the 'Cat Whisperer.'

Having said that, no matter what I try, no matter how much love I give him. . . King Benjamin is just not an affectionate beast. T_T It makes me sad.

To Him

2011-02-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

I forgive you.

I hope that you will also forgive me for my faults. I know I make a lousy girlfriend. Part of that is because of my inexperience, part because of my natural distrust of men, and part by design.

The more I came to know you, the more I enjoyed your company, but I began to feel as if you were attempting to rescue me from my loneliness. Our time together was no longer a privilege, but an obligation for you. Please forgive me for attempting to test the limits of your commitment. Let me tell you this now: I do not need to be rescued. I want nothing more than to be sealed in an eternal relationship, and I honestly have my doubts as to when and whether it will happen, but that does not mean you or anyone else has to sacrifice themselves for my happiness. I will try to be happy with whatever the Lord wants me to do.

Conversely, I was not spending time with you because I was desperate. I genuinely enjoyed your company and wanted our friendship to grow. I was not 'settling.' You are an amazing person and a magnificent son of God. I felt you were a man who could live his religion, honor his priesthood, and treat me with loving respect, and as such could be considered as a possible eternal companion. More than this, I felt we were developing a strong friendship on which to build our romance. I felt like I could support you throughout the trials we would undoubtedly face and continue to laugh together. I felt like we naturally fit as parts of a whole. For the first time I can remember, I was effortlessly happy, and I thought you were too.

I believe the Lord approved of our relationship. Unlike previous experiences, I kept getting the 'go ahead.' Mostly because of this, I was angry when we decided to end it. I felt like I had done my best, (pitiful though it was,) and that the Lord had given his blessing, so the fault must lie with you. I felt your cowardice and lack of receptiveness to the Lord had denied me the blessings we could have had. I realize I was in error and I apologize for my anger and narrow-mindedness. I realize relationships are complicated, daunting, and that what we want may not always be what's best for us.

I apologize for the hurt I have caused you and for the unfair treatment I have given you since. I want you to know that you are a good person, and I hope you will find every happiness. I sincerely wish our relationship had ended differently. There will always be a part of me that remembers loving you. Thank you for the time you spent with me and the memories we were able to make. And thank you for letting me know how you felt. I hope you find what you're looking for.

~Erica

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”

-John Greenleaf Whittier

You just may fall on your butt, get hurt, and feel very foolish. But if you never take the chance, how do you know for certain that you would have failed?

A Friend's Facebook Pic

2011-02-24T22:43:00.002-07:00

This features one of my friends from High School, who asked in passing if I would draw her like I did my own profile pic. I hope she likes it!
I'm evil, but I love it when Facebook recognizes a face in one of my drawings - especially when it happens on the anime ones and not just the photo-realistic ones! XD

Return to Labyrinth Review

2011-02-17T10:49:00.003-07:00

“Shadows of a dream-

fragments of imagination-

echoes of a silent scream-

memories of a life that never happened.

I saw the truth inside your eyes-

feelings that were left unspoken.

You said the words, but they were lies;

Had I a heart, it would be broken.

All I ever was means nothing.

All I ever wanted slips away.

All I ever had descends to ruin,

and you are my destroyer.”

Yes, I'll admit it – I'm a total Labyrinth geek. When I was a child, (but after my Little Mermaid phase,) Labyrinth was my favorite movie. I loved the feel of it more than the adventure and came to see Jennifer Connelly as the epitome of beauty. I wanted to be just like her! Later I came to see it as an allegory for growing up – for giving up childishness while still being able to tap into the joys of childhood.

Lately I've been enjoying the Return to Labyrinth manga series, and I finally finished it. I wish the interior had been done by the cover artist and I can't say I liked the way it ended, but I enjoyed it and think they tried to stick to the original feel. Instead of the original allegory, I think this was meant to be a warning against extremes: You need dreams to fulfill a normal life, so don't just abandon them. But dreams can be a distraction away from reality, so don't be ruled by them. (Although I'm probably just overthinking things again!! XD )

I just had to share this quote, because it was poignant to me. I'm such a nerd!! -^_^-

Though I wanted to be Sarah, I have always felt more empathy with the Goblin King. He is ruthless, selfish, and mischievous, and he lets these emotions rule him, but he is willing to do anything to obtain what he loves and would do anything for her once received. This latter part is sometimes how I feel, which embarrasses me to no end – I must have some stalker in me somewhere... T_T

The only difference is, he knows for sure what it is that he wants.

Jareth represents selfishness in the Labyrinth, and is the main obstacle to overcome – not the challenges Sarah faces. As humans grow, we each must choose whether we wish to be a baby or a toddler – a toddler or a child – a child or a teenager – a teenager or an adult. That is how we progress. Jareth is the alluring pull of childishness that Sarah has to break through. Once she does, however, she can still enjoy her childhood and remember it as she grows, but has given up the selfishness and entitlement associated with it. Broken, but not destroyed.

The Goblin King is left wishing and remembering what he could have had and almost got. He views Sarah as his Pearl of Great Price – almost an object, but mostly an obsession. From his point of view, the moral is much different: you may work as hard as you can for the thing you want most, but sometimes it's just not good enough.

You can tell he wonders if he would have won had he handled the situation differently. We all have that feeling sometimes. But he handled it the only way he knew how, even if it wasn't right. Labyrinth geeks have analyzed his personality, trying to avoid idealizing it, and have no doubt that Jareth would have kept his word if he had succeeded. (Yes, I'm speaking here as if this story were real, which is how it feels as you're watching it.) He would have worshiped her as long as he could keep the illusion of control. In his mind, that was the greatest thing he could give and the greatest thing anyone could want to receive. Inexplicably, Sarah rejected it.

I'm glad that Return to Labyrinth tried to detail what Jareth felt and acted like after that 'battle.' The story did not continue the way I would have wanted, but that's to be expected and even rejoiced in – it's not like I was the one writing it. One reads to enjoy other people's thoughts, not their own.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable story, and I'm glad it was produced.

Self Portrait- Red and Black

2011-01-31T13:28:00.002-07:00

I'm always trying to draw myself, but it never comes out quite right. Oh well. This one's pretty good anyway. I at least got the likeness relatively good.

Broken

2011-01-29T14:10:00.004-07:00

When everything was just a lie and the whole world comes crashing down, you break. And you are always broken.

Casablanca shivered in her scanty covering- they only provided just enough to survive at the labs. She couldn't believe she was back there. She couldn't believe Case had betrayed her! Yet there she was, sitting in her cell, wondering why she had ever decided to trust him in the first place...
She remembered him acting strangely at the breakfast table that morning. Had he been nervous about what he was panning to do? Should she have known something was wrong when he followed her up to her bedroom? She wondered - did he even enjoy her warmth when he forced his lips on hers? Or was that simply the easiest way to administer the drug that rendered her unconscious?
She tried to clear her head. They would be watching her closely this time - there was no way she could escape again. But she could survive. She could survive until........what? Would she spend the rest of her life poked and probed by the same scientists who had stolen her genome and blended her DNA into thousands of child soldiers?
No! Even if Ron and Dave had been in on Case's plan, surely her sisters would try to find her. They would eventually and when they did, Tyler would bring an army to free her! Tyler loved her - he would call in every favor he had in the government just to save her! He would get her out! Tyler would-

Tyler!

His pleading face was the only thing she had time to see before she threw herself at his chest. She felt his strong arms wrap around her as she wept, forgetting everything else in that moment. He had come for her! Tyler had come to save her and she was free from that awful hell. Case may have betrayed her, but Tyler was there. He loved her. He would never betray her. He could be trusted. He had come.
Cass was so relieved that her brain couldn't really process anything else. She vaguely noticed her face was pressed against his skin, not the usual black canvas shirt he wore. She wondered why they were standing still and not running for their lives toward the exit. Something in the back of her mind asked, why isn't he talking? He should be saying something...
She pulled herself away as her sluggish brain started to catch up, but still clung to him for support. She wiped away her tears and tried to calm her breathing before looking up and into his eyes. She was surprised they were so full of sorrow, and he still hadn't spoken. Suddenly she wondered if he was a captive too, caught while trying to rescue her. Then she looked down and froze.
He was tall - her face was level with his collarbone, and she wondered why she hadn't seen it before. A few inches below his neck line was a small, orange gem. An implant. Square- like hers. She'd had her face pressed against it. Matching gems adorned his ears and he was wearing an oversized labcoat, which had fallen off his bare shoulders and gathered at his arms.
She recognized him then: the little boy who had helped her escape the labs those eight years ago. The man who ran the labs in the shadow of his master, the son of her most hated and feared enemy, the one who had killed her mother and taken her away when she was just a baby...was Tyler?
Cass stepped back, trying to escape his grasp, but he held on. She squirmed, then shoved him away, falling to the cold, concrete floor. But she was past pain. She was past any feeling. In the past twelve hours her emotions had been tugged and thrust in every direction imaginable and she had no more to give. She had broken. She didn't even notice Tyler was leaning over her, trying to shake her awake and screaming her name. Every feeling in her heart as well as her body drained away until she felt completely numb. Every thought left as well until she could only remember or focus on one word: No.

Shoot for the Stars

2011-01-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

Like most girls, I had my life planned out by the time I was five. Unlike most girls, I was a realist. I didn't want to be a princess married to an astronaut, living in a castle in space. I just wanted to make it through school, meet a normal guy who wasn't too hot or too smart for me, help him through his many problems, date for a while before getting married in a small ceremony, work at some menial job to put him through school, then start having babies as he developed a career. That was Plan A. Really, that was all I wanted, and it's something most women can achieve.

They say to shoot for the moon so even if you miss you'll land among the stars. Well, those who do will never be content with the stars, no matter which they get, because they will always see the moon they missed. If a star is all you want, you won't just be content to get it, you'll be ecstatic! Or so I thought. I have now realized the true meaning of that proverb: You will likely not get what you wanted, so aim high anyway, because even if you aim low, you'll miss.

I finally realized that I was not capable of achieving Plan A, despite all my efforts, so I moved on to Plan B. Plan B was to pursue my career and make at least enough money to get by while doing something I loved. I was off to a great start and I was even excited about it. I forgot about Plan A with all my preparations and I made goals, deadlines, and tests for myself. I was well on my way, and I was content.

Then something extraordinary happened. For the first time, I was blessed with a shot at Plan A. It happened before I even realized what was happening. Instantly, Plan B was forgotten as I saw my moon looming before me, and it was so much brighter than I had imagined. I suppose for anyone else it would have been a star, but not for me. I abandoned my previous goals and worked harder than I've ever done, determined to make the shot. It was stressful, intimidating, and very painful as I beat myself up about my errors. But I was happy. And it was even better than the scenario I had envisioned when I was five. It took me a while, but the shock wore off and I finally allowed myself to believe that I, -I- could actually live my dream! I should have known I didn't deserve it.

I don't really know what happened, but Plan A suddenly stole away. I'm sure it was my fault somehow. I was left with what I had before. In the darkness left behind by the absent moon, I couldn't even see the star I had clung to before. I realized just how pitiful and unfulfilling my goals had been. Having seen -and finally believed- my highest aspiration, my moon, I could no longer be content with my star. And I had tried to aim low in the beginning to avoid this very feeling.

Happiness is a drug. When all you've ever known is contentment, you can't imagine anything more. But just a taste of happiness, and it's suddenly all you want. You work hard and fast and feverishly to get that feeling back, just once more, and again, because it's better than anything you've felt before. It's instantly addictive, and once you've had and lost it, you forever feel its absence. You didn't know what you were lacking before.

What do I do now?

I have always been a hard worker. If I didn't get what I wanted, which happened a lot, I would just work harder. There was nothing else to do, because why brood over something you couldn't change? But now I've actually had a taste. I know what I'm missing. I can feel what's not there anymore. And I don't have anything to work hard towards. My magnificent failure just reiterates my insufficiency for Plan A, and Plan B has become disgusting to me. What else is there? I need to work. I need to focus my mind on something else. I need to move on. But I can't see any other plans. I'm revved and ready with nothing to do but remember my beautiful moon.

Gunther - Don't Leave Me

2011-01-26T16:49:00.002-07:00

Gunther is a side character from Fray, an old spin-off from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He's a mutant who lives in the future and assists the current Slayer, Fray. Of course, he's also an art fence who hires out thieves, which is how he met her in the first place.
I don't know why, but I've always thought he looked kinda sexy. I dunno - maybe I just like large, purple, mutant fish-men. . . *shrug*
I've been trying to do a decent fanart of him since I first saw him and always struck out. Then I added another character. *POOF* Success! I tried to draw her in the Buffy style, but I have no idea who she is. She's not a specific character from the story, but I do know that she's a ghost and that this is a tragic, romantic scene. It's funny how these pictures get away from you sometimes!

My Own Two Feet

2011-01-21T18:12:00.001-07:00

I've never really needed anyone before. I guess that's what comes of spending so much of my early life alone. When things went wrong or life blew up in my face, I just did what I had to do: I muscled down. I bore through it. I stood on my own two feet. And I survived.

Oh, sure, I occasionally leaned a bit on my mother or my best friend. But mostly, I'm the one others lean on. I've always had to be the strong one, because everyone else had much bigger problems than mine. I got pretty good at it, too.

And then something happened. Something that I couldn't handle on my own. Something that broke me and left me wondering if anything I'd ever known was true. And for the first time in my life, I needed someone. I needed someone to lean on. Someone to talk to. Someone to just hold me tight and let me cry. I needed you.

I know you didn't plan the timing to hurt me. You couldn't have known that just a few days after you left that something like this would happen. I had thought the breakup was bad enough, but it suddenly didn't matter anymore. For the first time, I had someone if I needed them. Then, for the first time, I did. And I had just lost you. Isn't life strange?

I reeled. I staggered around in the dark. I reached out to any and everyone, hoping to find someone solid enough to bear just a little bit of my pain - just enough to let me breathe again. But they were hurting themselves. All the people I care about were pierced when it happened, and everyone needed someone. So, there was nothing else to do. I became their pillar.

I muscled down. I bore through it. I stood on my own two feet. And I had them lean on me.

I just couldn't watch them suffer anymore. I pretended I was alright, and they clung to the lifeline I offered. It was hard, but I think it was one of my best acting jobs. Somehow we all muscled through it, and I survived. I didn't know if I would for a time, but I did, only slightly worse for wear. And I did it without you.

I was willing to be there for your problems. I knew there would be many, but I was eager to share them with you, and I think I was strong enough. But you couldn't even be there when I just needed someone to lean on. I needed someone to share my grief. To just listen. I needed you. But not anymore.

I stand on my own two feet.

Just One Reason

2011-01-19T22:44:00.001-07:00

This is an old joke from Hybrid Flowers. Yes, I have a slightly morbid sense of humor.
Only 3 people originally laughed at it, and the rest reeled back in horror or shock.
The 3: My sister, my best friend, and my mother. We must have similar senses of humor.

Background for this picture, (of course there are spoilers,):
Case and Tyler have a healthy rivalry over Cass that escalates as each believes the other is incompetent.
This particular instance, Case rushed unnecessarily to Cass's rescue and put her in more danger while managing to injure himself at the same time. Cass was annoyed by his interference, but touched at his concern, and ended up taking her post-battle nap on his lap.
Tyler felt threatened by this unusual gesture of affection and introduced a weapon into their banter. But, Case knew exactly how to handle him this time, because it made him back off.

Cass is rarely a witness of their rivalry and believes it's harmless as she is determined never to marry anyway. Poor girl doesn't know what she's started or what she's in for, but Tyler is tortured by his own violent tendencies.

I'm seriously beginning to question men: Are ANY of them worth it?

2011-01-08T22:53:00.003-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I know – I'm a cynical spinster who can't let things go and has now destroyed all chances of finding a future date because I have here proclaimed my hideousness and desperation publicly on the web. Your point?

It's not that I mean to be cynical about men, it's just that they keep showing up and giving me prime examples! And then, the man that I have always felt to be the epitome of men, (certainly not perfect, but the best there is out there,) up and decides to betray his wife and children -not to mention his extended family- for seemingly no other reason than his own whim and fancy!
. . . If the man I consider to be the best man in the world can just do that, it makes me wonder what the kind of men I attract are capable of. T_T

An Odd Occurrence

2010-12-28T10:51:00.005-07:00

In my Advanced Figure Drawing class, our teacher would bring in models and have them pose in very active positions for 3 and 5 minutes each, then in a more restful pose for 30 to 60 minutes for us to draw. At the beginning of the semester, the models wore only modest underwear, and later they switched to elaborate costumes. It was an incredible class! Our models were great and willing and we had a lot of fun.

We started "themed" days with specific costumes. One day we did primitive cave man, another was pirate day, even a fairytale day! It was a lot of fun and there was even a guy flirting with me (when he came.) Then, one day, we decided to do "high fashion." It wouldn't have been so bad had 1) the guy decided to show up, 2) I not been major PMSsing, and 3) the models not been excited to wear the ridiculous, puffy and hideous 'high fashion' wear.

Needless to say, I was having a bad day. So I decided to draw the most hideous, skeletal, grotesque bodies I could in the high fashion poses and clothing, trying to make a point. I've been taught by my father how to draw the skeleton since I was a child, so I knew exactly how to stretch skin over it without any muscles. I emphasized every bony protuberance, elongated limbs and necks beyond the aesthetic point of beauty, and eliminated every curve, including breasts. (After all, modern-day high fashion models look just like starving little boys.) Of course, I kept them in their...'beautiful' clothing, added beautiful, waving locks around their bare skulls, and posed them in provocative, modern actions.

To my surprise, for the first time in the entire class, everybody loved my drawings. Loved them!
O_o

The other students marveled at the wondrous beauty I had made. Even the teacher praised me for turning a new leaf and progressing my art. He said maybe I should become a fashion illustrator for a living! At first I thought they must be joking. They weren't joking. They actually thought that the starved, skeletal figures I had drawn were beautiful! What I had drawn to be revolting was viewed as gorgeous, glamorous, desirable!

That day I realized that I must see differently than everybody else. I had suspicions before, but then I knew. It was a very odd occurrence, and one that made me realize I could never be or create something both beautiful to myself and to others.

Phoenix in Flight

2010-12-21T23:04:00.001-07:00

This image was made for my best friend as a Christmas present. It features the main character of one of her novels that will someday soon be published.

Who do you see?

2010-12-21T22:48:00.003-07:00

Somebody I loved (yes, even then,) once told me to picture my worst enemy's face on a zebra. He...um...didn't specify where. Much to his befuddlement, I laughed my head off at the irony of the situation. Four years later, irony struck a second time when his own face replaced his brother's. It's funny really - that the person you loved more than anyone could become someone you hate. What's worse is that you still love them, despite it.

So, to anyone who views this, my question to you is: Who do you see?

Actually, I feel some freedom here. The internet is a strange thing, because it's infinitely prevalent. You post a picture, a strange comment, or an unshielded piece of your soul, anyone could see it. The good thing about being me is that no one really cares enough to look.

It's liberating, really. To put something out there into the universe that anybody could read, but knowing that no one will. Normally, I don't portray my weaknesses - my dark recesses or gentle insanities for fear that people would judge me for them. But this kind of site is never seen by anyone but me.

Posting a dark piece of soul, like drawing a horrid picture, helps remove it from me. And here I can do so with no consequences.

My New ID

2010-12-21T22:46:00.001-07:00

I wanted a new Deviantart ID, one that made me look a little sassy.

The Promise

2010-12-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

*SPOILER ALERT!* To anybody who does not know my story HybridFlowers, but would like to read it without bias, do not read the following comments.

To everybody else:

This scene marks the beginning of Tiger's obsession with Cass. It takes place just after he was forced to kill their mother and right before Cass gets processed into the labs and placed in Cryogenics. This is Tiger's final farewell before his sister's triple-helix DNA is coded and spliced into other 'convenient' XX Chromosomes.

Discovered

2010-11-27T22:54:00.003-07:00

This assignment had some interesting parameters: We had to depict a street scene with a prominent shadow, but the viewer couldn't see what was casting the shadow. I cheated a little and made it fit into one of my storylines, but I had the perfect scene for it straight out of book 1 of Hybrid Flowers!

My teacher is stressing textures right now, and one of the other students in Digital Ill showed us lostandtaken.com, which has several royalty-free textures. We've all been playing around with them like kids with a brand new toy, and I think they've helped create depth for everyone.

Primitive vs Futuristic

2010-11-08T11:35:00.001-07:00

A Primitive man and a Futuristic man, staring each other down through the eons.

Self Caricature

2010-10-24T21:10:00.001-06:00

A caricature of me! I like the way it turned out - it looks like my hair is going to eat the world!!

Canned Peaches

2010-10-15T17:28:00.001-06:00

Still life of Canned Peaches I did for the Digital Illustration class I'm auditing.

Decaying Picnic

2010-09-20T10:52:00.002-06:00

I'm auditing another Digital Illustration class! We're currently learning how to create custom brushes to imitate traditional media. I catch on slow, but I'm learning!

Best Europe Pictures 1

2009-10-24T19:51:00.002-06:00

I came home from Europe with thousands of pictures. These are the cream of the crop, following my trip from London all the way to Munich. If you have any questions, feel free to comment and I will answer as soon as possible. Enjoy!

Best Europe Pictures 2-3

2009-10-24T19:49:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 4-5

2009-10-24T19:48:00.005-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 6-7

2009-10-24T19:46:00.005-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 8-9

2009-10-24T19:45:00.005-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 10-11

2009-10-24T19:43:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 12-13

2009-10-24T19:41:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 14-15

2009-10-24T19:40:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 16-17

2009-10-24T19:38:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 18-19

2009-10-24T19:37:00.004-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 20-21

2009-10-24T19:35:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 22-23

2009-10-24T19:30:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 24-25

2009-10-24T19:25:00.002-06:00

Best Europe Pictures 26-27

2009-10-24T19:23:00.002-06:00

Journal 1-2

2009-06-09T10:08:00.002-06:00

Journal 3-4

2009-06-09T10:07:00.003-06:00

Journal 5-6

2009-06-09T10:06:00.003-06:00

Journal 7-8

2009-06-09T10:04:00.002-06:00

Journal 9-10

2009-06-09T10:03:00.003-06:00

Journal 11-12

2009-06-09T10:01:00.003-06:00

Journal 13-14

2009-06-09T10:00:00.003-06:00

Journal 15-16

2009-06-09T09:58:00.003-06:00

Journal 17-18

2009-06-09T09:57:00.003-06:00

Journal 19-20

2009-06-09T09:55:00.001-06:00

Journal 21-22

2009-06-09T09:54:00.002-06:00

Journal 23-24

2009-06-09T09:51:00.003-06:00

Journal 25-26

2009-06-09T09:49:00.003-06:00

Journal 27-28

2009-06-09T09:47:00.003-06:00

Journal 29-30

2009-06-09T09:45:00.003-06:00

Journal 31-32

2009-06-09T09:43:00.001-06:00

Journal 33-34

2009-06-09T09:41:00.001-06:00

Journal 35-36

2009-06-09T09:39:00.001-06:00

Zoo Bugs

2009-06-04T14:58:00.001-06:00

For our final assignment in Digital Illustration, we designed four unique bugs based on a theme. I picked the theme of 'zoo animals.' Sorry this is so late in coming - I forgot to post it earlier!
Oops. . .

I'm Back!

2009-05-26T11:52:00.001-06:00

For anybody who, for some unknown reason, might actually be following my blog, I just returned from my tour to Europe with the BYU-Idaho Humanities department. I will be posting my journal and some of my pictures from the trip on this blog when I have the time. I may have to do so in increments, but I hope you will enjoy learning about where I went. Most of my pictures are of artworks from various museums. Enjoy!

Intricate Doll

2009-03-11T22:14:00.003-06:00

The assignment for this week was to make our own patterns in Photoshop and then use them in our Illustration Friday piece. The word for this week was intricate, but I don't know if I captured it as well as I could have. I am happy with the final product though, and I learned quite a lot about making patterns and distorting with a lens correction!

Instinct

2009-02-26T17:25:00.003-07:00

Another for IllustrationFriday. This week's theme was "Instinct." Maternal as I am, I naturally thought of a mother and child. Brother Ward taught the class about Paths, which we used heavily in this assignment. I found out that I have trouble bouncing color around on the computer too, and not just when I paint with oils. I did learn a lot though, and I'm going to use this technique a lot. Hope Bro. Franson feels better soon!!!

I dream of Genie

2009-02-24T10:04:00.001-07:00

This was another work I created in Media Experimentation. This technique consisted of filling a large garbage can with water, spraying the surface of the water with several different colors of spray paint, dipping in pieces of illustration board and letting them dry, then painting something we saw from the patterns on the board.

I actually preffered the patterns on the back of the illustration board than the front, but the "Crecsent" logo on the back showed through, so I painted over it as best as I could. You can still see a few of the letters through her hair. The offset crecent on her forehead is actually the crescent from the logo! ^_^

I used oil on the existing spraypaint marbling. I have GOT to try this technique again - it's so fun!!!

Dark and Krad

2009-02-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

This image was created in my Media Experimentation class, Fall 2008. The technique is called "Goauche-Off" where we painted a thin layer of goauche over any area that was not going to be black, poured waterproof ink over the entire image, then washed it off and repainted the colored parts. It was quite an interesting technique and I'm proud of how it turned out, even though my teacher hates it when I do anime.

The characters are Dark and Krad from DNAngel, (wonderful manga - stoooopid anime, even with Vic Mignogna's voice.) I know there are a few problems with their characteristics, especially Krad's hair, but I had to draw it quickly and without reference and I think I did a pretty good job, so ha! ^_^

I love DNAngel, Dark is so hot, and I wanted to annoy my teacher, so I did some fan-art, which I don't actually do very often, despite what my Deviantart account looks like.

Celebrate

2009-02-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

This image was created in Photoshop using actions and paint textures to imitate the use of physical paint. I am not very good at painting with thick actual paint, and I had difficulty with virtual thick paint as well. The theme was "Celebrate."

Time through the Hourglass

2009-02-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

Another image created to imitate Oil Lift-out. This theme was "Time."

"Flawed"

2009-02-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

A digital work meant to imitate and oil lift-out. This week's subject was "Flawed," so I chose a girl seeing herself as flawed in a mirror.

Climbing Cat! (very original title - no?)

2009-01-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

This work was made digitally to imitate a Paper-Cutout. Doing this project I learned about Textures, Smart Objects, Clipping Layers, and I learned that I have difficulty drawing cats.
-^_^-
Hope you enjoy!

Subject: Pale

2009-01-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

Beauty

2009-01-15T16:56:00.001-07:00